+ 26 - 16 | § ¶Through Difficult Times

Considering I read both of your beautiful and most inspiring books till 4:30 a.m last night.  I couldn't believe all you have been through and how you were able to write all those incredible feelings down on paper.  I thought about it all day.  I passed it on to my 14 year old son today, whom is having a difficult time through this divorce.  I asked him to read some of the special poems that I circled that I thought he could relate to.  At first he looked at me like I was crazy to ask him to read more than what he has to read for school.  But then as he was leaving,  he kissed me goodbye,  gave me a beautiful smile ,and left holding the books.  Your daughters seem like two very extraordinary young women.  As a mother of three and a woman, I truly admire the love that I felt between you and your wife.  Your a very lucky man to have had such love in your life, but most incredible I find, is the way you don't hide, as I find with most men do.  I have to confess,  that I don't think I have ever met a man whom his feelings come through the way yours did in your books.  Thank you for a very special Friday evening.
 
Regards, Jude

+ 39 - 13 | § ¶Memory Flood

Just when you think that you have a handle on your emotions, along comes a thought, a song, a place or a picture that brings a “memory flood”.  This is no ordinary memory flow.  This is a torrent that washes over your soul.  Memory floods can flash feelings of loss in an instant.  I recently saw an example of this during a recent documentary about the Holocaust, where a woman began to cry for her sister who had perished. Her pain flowed through her until the tears began to stream down her face. And in a trembling voice, she said, “I remember it as if it just happened.”

 

Yes a memory flood can change your mood in an instant.  The loss of a loved one or the thought of your deepest pain can open the flood gates to your feelings.  A picture brings a memory flood when it is found unexpectedly in a drawer in your dresser.  You can try to pretend that you have moved on until that unexpected memory rushes across your mind.  A personal private moment even if you are in a crowed room.

 

What do you do now? As the tears moisten your tissue it is time to become Emotivated. What will be gained by letting these painful memories overtake your happiness?  Look at the picture again.  That is of a happier time perhaps but you are still the same. Would the person who is in the picture want to see you so sad?  The smiles in the picture represent not only love of the moment but love for each other.

 

Remember with a smile and a tear, when the picture was taken.  Then you can begin thinking about finding a way to have another shot at happiness.  Set a new goal for yourself or make an effort to help others.  Use the knowledge you have gained to move forward without simply moving on.  Keep in mind the good memories only. Use bad memories to motivate living for today while helping others tomorrow.  Use the awesome power of your emotions to be emotivated and when that next  memory flood comes barreling through, it will nourish your soul and bring changes for a better life. 

+ 32 - 16 | § ¶Memories and Emotions Create Mental Wealth

Recognizing that your past is filled with memories that evoke powerful emotions is the first step to creating mental wealth.  Throughout our lives we all store vast collections of memories.  The good memories dominate our thoughts as long as the present is keeping us happy.  But if the right trigger is pulled, our world can change in a flash, and all our memories turn into painful recollections of fear and suffering.  These are the memories that will haunt you for the rest of your life - the last time you saw them or the last words that were spoken.

Each of us reacts differently to loss. The separation from love, no matter what the cause, creates a gapping hole in your heart. Some people choose to re-live the last moments spent together, reviewing and renewing the pain over and over again.  This is a negative way to use the power of your emotions.

Learning how to use your emotions in a positive way will help you move on to a brighter, more positive future.  You must first acknowledge that your loved ones, still in you life or lost, would not want you to wallow in sadness and anger.  If they could guide you, they would first help overcome the extreme sadness. They would insist that you wash your tears away and make plans for the rest of the day. They would ask you to live more as a way to make up for the living they cannot do.  It gets easier if you change your thinking to living FOR them instead of living WITHOUT them.

This is not going to make the pain just disappear and you will still have days that are as bad as the first day, but I can assure you that if you choose to harness the awesome power of your emotions, you will be living your life EMOTIVATED!

+ 32 - 19 | § ¶Why do men hold in their emotions?

The inability to unlock our emotions can restrict our ability to move on after a tragedy or loss. Men in particular believe that by keeping thier feelings locked up, they are being strong for thier families. They focus on holding back the tears and blocking out the memories as a way to protect their loved ones.  This is simply not the thing to do. By suppressing the bad feelings they are blocking out the good ones as well.

In order for men to re-connect with life, they must realize that the only way to be truly happy is to grant themselves the freedom to cry and feel emotional pain. As soon as they stop waging a war against thier emotions they can start recruiting the power of thier emotions to open up to feel the incredible love and happiness created with thier families. 

It all sounds simple, but for a man to show emotions he must go against what he learned as a child, that "boys aren't supposed to cry." Because we all have been conditioned to "follow the rules" and " don't step out of line," it's not going to be easy to undo these patterns no matter how self-destructive they may be.